Death has been playing darts again. Zipping past, those darts often hit their target. It's hard to watch, really, as people fall, more people hurt, and the cycle continues. I feel the air as a darts flies by, and I try to dodge them, but one day, it's going to hit. It makes me wonder, of course about me and my life. What do I do that makes me any different from the mattress I'm sitting on? Will I leave behind more than excited facebook status updates on useless reality tv shows?
This is something that we all wrestle with, I know, and every now and then it wells up inside me screaming: "What am I doing to leave a legacy?!?!?!" I wrestle with it until my hip has popped out of socket, but unlike the biblical reference, I don't feel I have a blessing when our match is over.
The greatest thing I have to show for my life is my husband. I feel that he is my best decision and my marriage is my greatest accomplishment. Unfortunately, he is not something I am excited about leaving behind for someone else. haha. He just makes me fear death even more. I remember, once, when I wasn't scared. I was excited to go, and now.... it unsettles me because I am so in love with the people in my life. I watch my niece and nephew run around. They laugh, sing, cry, get bitten by flamingos, and my mom and grandfather are not tangibly here to see them. It makes me sick. I don't want to miss anything because those kids really are that awesome, and how many people in this world can say that they have been bitten by a flamingo. I'm going to bet it's close to those that are struck by lightning or eaten by a piranhas.
I used to weep for the day that I could leave this earth. I craved it; I was so ready. Now, I have to say I am enjoying my stay. I just hope that my visit here is as enjoyable for everyone else. I hope I make a difference some where, some how, some way... and I hope I leave something beautiful behind (other than my beautiful husband that is... hands off, ladies ;p) so people think "Wow. She did much more than take up space and watch Rocky movies."
"Going in one more round when you don't think you can - that's what makes all the difference in your life."
For the record, you are not just a space hog. You make an impact in the life of everyone you meet. You changed my life...for the better. The moment I met you, I was different. It was like something in my changed...got better...turned Stacy! That is what is so exciting...you make the world a better place just for being in it.
ReplyDeletePeople are going to continue to leave us and it really isn't fair. But what we need to think about is how did that person impact me? What did they do to change me? When I think about pa...and it is often...I think about the love he had for you and they way he adopted me without hesitation. That was truly something special. He made people feel good about themselves...that is what he did.
And that, my beautiful friend, is what you do. It doesn't matter what you say or how you say it. All that has to happen is for a photo of you to flash in my memory and instantly...I feel...happy. For that, I thank you.
I love you...I miss you...and I am thankful everyday that I sat beside you and asked you to write my name on the roll sheet knowing I probably wouldn't be back to class. Knowing that you did, for a while, makes it funny. Knowing that you didn't give up on me...makes it beautiful. Thanks Stace, for being a true friend.
Thank you, Shelly, for always being there for me. You are very much loved... and loved even more now for reminding me of the sign in sheet for class. how funny. We were destined. :D
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