So, it's nice that things are turning around... I am still trying to find a job that I think will be a good fit for me, and in the mean time I've done some soul searching and healing. I've TRIED to be productive, and have started a new blog about things that I KNOW, not just the ramblings of a wild woman that you see here ;) I've also tried to be productive in the creativity department, but as all of us bipolar types know, that side of us ebbs and flows. I've actually gotten a little braver, and I think with time and positive energy, maybe I can do something with that crafty side of myself. I've actually posted something on etsy! OK, so it was only one thing, but hey! It's a start. :D
We got a new puppy, Darcy, shortly after I miscarried, and she is pretty much the most precious thing ever. She has the same issues potty training that we had with Dharma, but I think that it's just my lack of potty training skills. Give me a week with a two year old, and it's a done deal, but a puppy? I'm apparently the worst puppy potty trainer in the world. It's worth it, though, because sometimes all I have to do is look at them frolicking in the floor, and I start fat laughing. They are excellent mood lifters, and were much better than anti depressants or chocolate. Reading over my last post, I think that I was in a very egocentric grieving stage. I am now more balanced and empathetic. I never knew what it felt like when people lost an unborn child. I mean, I've had friends go through things like this, and I could lend my shoulder... but now I can cry with them. It's still hard when I hear news of my friends so excited about their pregnancy and sharing all the news about it when they are as far along as I was when we lost our baby. It's also frustrating to hear people that are pregnant complain about aches and pains and morning sickness when I miss everything about being pregnant. I miss wanting to puke every time I moved. I miss being so exhausted that I couldn't keep my eyes open, I miss my husband calling me every morning as he got off work to ask what I was craving so that he could bring me something to eat.
Although, there are new things for me to have anxiety about... like that the world is ending in December, and when it comes, I'll have to die knowing I never got to live in a finished house. haha. but I'm feeling much better. I'm hoping that maybe there will be less things hitting the fan in the upcoming year, and maybe I can just enjoy the breeze for once. This time off has been a godsend in light of all that's happened the past few months, and I am thankful for unemployment, friends who made an effort to support me and communicate with me, and to know that I'm slowly on my way to becoming a better person.... with hopefully less mood swings. :D
We got a new puppy, Darcy, shortly after I miscarried, and she is pretty much the most precious thing ever. She has the same issues potty training that we had with Dharma, but I think that it's just my lack of potty training skills. Give me a week with a two year old, and it's a done deal, but a puppy? I'm apparently the worst puppy potty trainer in the world. It's worth it, though, because sometimes all I have to do is look at them frolicking in the floor, and I start fat laughing. They are excellent mood lifters, and were much better than anti depressants or chocolate. Reading over my last post, I think that I was in a very egocentric grieving stage. I am now more balanced and empathetic. I never knew what it felt like when people lost an unborn child. I mean, I've had friends go through things like this, and I could lend my shoulder... but now I can cry with them. It's still hard when I hear news of my friends so excited about their pregnancy and sharing all the news about it when they are as far along as I was when we lost our baby. It's also frustrating to hear people that are pregnant complain about aches and pains and morning sickness when I miss everything about being pregnant. I miss wanting to puke every time I moved. I miss being so exhausted that I couldn't keep my eyes open, I miss my husband calling me every morning as he got off work to ask what I was craving so that he could bring me something to eat.
Although, there are new things for me to have anxiety about... like that the world is ending in December, and when it comes, I'll have to die knowing I never got to live in a finished house. haha. but I'm feeling much better. I'm hoping that maybe there will be less things hitting the fan in the upcoming year, and maybe I can just enjoy the breeze for once. This time off has been a godsend in light of all that's happened the past few months, and I am thankful for unemployment, friends who made an effort to support me and communicate with me, and to know that I'm slowly on my way to becoming a better person.... with hopefully less mood swings. :D
