24.2.11

Maybe you don't know what I'm talking about now, but believe me you will when it's over

Death has been playing darts again. Zipping past, those darts often hit their target. It's hard to watch, really, as people fall, more people hurt, and the cycle continues. I feel the air as a darts flies by, and I try to dodge them, but one day, it's going to hit. It makes me wonder, of course about me and my life. What do I do that makes me any different from the mattress I'm sitting on? Will I leave behind more than excited facebook status updates on useless reality tv shows?




This is something that we all wrestle with, I know, and every now and then it wells up inside me screaming: "What am I doing to leave a legacy?!?!?!" I wrestle with it until my hip has popped out of socket, but unlike the biblical reference, I don't feel I have a blessing when our match is over.



The greatest thing I have to show for my life is my husband. I feel that he is my best decision and my marriage is my greatest accomplishment. Unfortunately, he is not something I am excited about leaving behind for someone else. haha. He just makes me fear death even more. I remember, once, when I wasn't scared. I was excited to go, and now.... it unsettles me because I am so in love with the people in my life. I watch my niece and nephew run around. They laugh, sing, cry, get bitten by flamingos, and my mom and grandfather are not tangibly here to see them. It makes me sick. I don't want to miss anything because those kids really are that awesome, and how many people in this world can say that they have been bitten by a flamingo. I'm going to bet it's close to those that are struck by lightning or eaten by a piranhas.

I used to weep for the day that I could leave this earth. I craved it; I was so ready. Now, I have to say I am enjoying my stay. I just hope that my visit here is as enjoyable for everyone else. I hope I make a difference some where, some how, some way... and I hope I leave something beautiful behind  (other than my beautiful husband that is... hands off, ladies ;p) so people think "Wow. She did much more than take up space and watch Rocky movies."
 
 "Going in one more round when you don't think you can - that's what makes all the difference in your life."